“It’s okay to cry sweetie.”
The Basic IDEA
Digging Deeper
A lot of crying happened this week.
I cried because I believed someone close to me may have died. Then, my friend cried the next day because someone close to them did die. I cried because of great love I witnessed in multiple friendships. I cried because of kind fathers being good to their sons, kind sons being good to their mothers, and kind spouses expressing true devotion and care to each other.
I cried and cried and it felt really good.
It all started on Friday with Beck and Marren: two lovely friends enjoying a fun convention in Chicago. They were so generous with their joy and thoughtful in their connection. They made me laugh and shared deeply resonating personal stories. I felt tears of sentimentality well up in my eyes, and tried to hold back the floodgates, while stating emphatically, “I promised myself I’d stop crying this year. I can’t be so sentimental.”
Then, they responded and told me I should cry if I want and start documenting the things that make me cry in a little book I can then share with my friends.
My mind mulled it over and I realized they are onto something.
There is something profoundly important in expressing our emotions to the people which and within the spaces where we feel safe, seen, and supported.
Sometimes we’re struggling and don’t know how to bring up a topic. Other times we don’t have the set aside time nor do we carve out the opportunity to share our struggles when we are in the midst of dealing with our painful circumstances alone.
Writing down what makes you cry, the good and bad moments that bring you tears of happiness or sorrow, is a method of expressing your joys and challenges.
It’s an opportunity to express what impacts you.
By sharing this type of document with your loved ones, they get to learn what type of life experiences have resonated with you recently, which gives them opportunities to show up for you with more understanding.
This type of writing also helps you to reshape how you deal with difficult circumstances. You’re setting aside time to process your thoughts, and you can use this document as a reflection exercise.
When you look back and see the goodness you experienced, you can feel better about what’s to come in your future. When you look back and see the pain you’ve experienced, you can nurture an awareness of your resilience and appreciate how far you’ve come.
Sad moments also put life into perspective. I lost my grandma on New Year’s Day a few years ago. It was sudden and unexpected. Remembering the overwhelming loss and endless tears are the reason I text my mom even when I’m exhausted, talk to my brother for 3 hour phone marathons, and send random heart emojis to my little sis.
Remembering the sadness of the past helps me show up better in the present.
And finally, when you take time to consider your feelings, it makes your daily interactions with others deeper and more meaningful. When you’re truly present for your own emotions, you can be more present for others.
It’s lovely to meet a stranger and talk about something other than the weather. Go deep within yourself and you can journey deeper within another.
Two Things for You to Try This Week
1. Share with others. When someone close to you asks how you are doing, commit to sharing one positive and two sad/difficult/challenging circumstances occurring in your life. It’s good to focus on the good and yet our closest connections are there to support us in our struggles. Let them know what’s really going on in your life.
2 Journal or reflect. Before going to bed, jot down or think about your day from the perspective of emotions. Happiness, sadness, fear, and anger; did you feel any of those today and if so, what caused it? This is an opportunity for reflection, highlights changes you may need to make, and areas in which you may need support.
Instead of hiding from our feelings, let’s deal with them head on. A great tool to get at the root cause of your emotions is the Emotion Wheel. There are a few great examples available here: https://humansystems.co/emotionwheels/
A Quick Note from Zoe